Check-in: Editing is happening. Slowly. Too stressed about editing to write. Taunt’s still at 6k since Sunday. Shake some pom-poms at the more successful ROW80ers right here.
Oh. My. Dayz. You know when I started pulling out the zs that I’m being extra serious. 😉
I cannot function right now. This editing bollox is driving me mad. I have never worked this slow in my life and it is the most frustrating experience ever. (I honestly don’t know how people who write one book every couple of years do it). I literally can’t write the next book while I’m editing this crap because I can’t switch between the different headspaces easily. Different characters and stories, yep, no bother. The same character at different stages in their life/experiences and it is impossible for me. So I decided to concentrate only on editing and get it out of the way. It’s snail’s pace right now. I hate it so much that I voluntarily filled out our census form (7 people’s worth) instead of editing.
That says it all.
There’s just so much to remember. I’ve to keep track of the major storyline of each book, the arc of the entire volume and then the over-reaching arc of the entire series. That’s not counting the side-plots and foreshadowing and ever-expanding backstories. This week I’ve done more note-taking on future books than I have on editing this one. (I watched the latest Harry Potter film tonight and OMG, it just reminded of all the junk JK had to keep track of – why am I complaining?)
It. Is. Awful.
I don’t know what’s holding me back so much. I don’t know if it’s the response to Thirst or simply that the draft of Taunt is so bad it can’t be salvaged. If it’s the latter then OMFG shoot me. Now, please. I don’t know if it’s my frame of mind right now or if I’ve spent too much time in the same world/genre. If I knew what was wrong I could fix it.
So fooking frustrating!
I’m really behind on the editing plan and I’m dying to just write Tempt already. Although I’m dreading the editing stages of that one. I have a bad habit of putting too much humour in the first draft of the fluffy stuff. Or so I’ve been told. And I have a tendency to laugh out loud at my first drafts although that might not be quite the same thing. 😉 I have to go back and edit the humour out for a lot of reasons so my instinct is already to make life harder for myself. If editing Tempt (that’s if I even get that far) is as bad as what I’m going through now then I might as well pack it in and take up photography or something.
I can’t believe I typed that. :O
If I’m not awesomely great at something then my instinct is to give up and not try at all – and I’m bad at editing. The fact I require so much editing probably doesn’t say anything good for my writing either. I mean, look at my freaking blog posts. Perfect examples. Now imagine how much editing my drafts need. Yeah, I know – scary.
I love writing, it’s just everything else I hate. 😀
So I’m not cut out for this. So I’m trying to imagine giving it up and leaving it alone. Um, not working. I’m going through a bit of family guilt right now, because I’m putting so much time into something non-family related, but if I didn’t write, I wouldn’t be all there anyway. Writing has kept me sane. Well, almost. 🙂 When I’m not writing, I lose myself in my head so at least when I write it down, I can step away sometimes.
If I give up, what exactly will I do? How do you give up something that you feel like you have no control over, something that takes over all by itself? I’m inviting this stress because I love the stories, I want to know what happens. Does anything else really matter? Well, yeah. But. If I could give up, wouldn’t I have done it by now? Would I really still argue the point? And so what if something isn’t working right now – that doesn’t mean it will never work. I’ve always been all about learning the craft, improving, experimenting with new styles and ideas – and when I wrote non-fiction, I dreamed of writing fiction. One of the best months of my life happened the first time I took part in NaNo.
*Remembers the joy*
And finishing a story always feels crack-a-lacking. Like you’ve achieved something, like all that effort was worth something. I think I’d like to feel that again. I think that might be worth all this ffs stress. Tomorrow might be better. I’ll get better. It’ll get better. Maybe the struggle is because of a bad chapter, too much splitting and merging and confusion. Maybe the next chapter will be easier. I won’t know if I don’t try. There’s this episode of Biggest Loser and this chick says what if I go there and I can’t do it. And her mother turns around and says, what if you go there and you can? Or something like that. So, feck it. Failing is better than not trying; it’s better than not ever knowing what might have been. I’ve always hated what ifs.
*Is back on track*
And that is how Claire talks herself down from the ledge. Therapy might be quicker. 😉