>It’s around 5am, I just woke up from the longest, most vivid freakiest dream of all time so naturally I came online to share it on my blog. As you do.
It featured some great lines by me such as:
Me, delicately stepping over the remains of a bear strewn all over the footpath (what kind of wtfery is that?): I just know it would be better for the whole family if he (my mother’s husband) died already. (I think we might have been on hitman territory here.)
My mother: Oh, I know everyone would be better off but still, I sort of love him, you know?
(She then goes on to passive-aggressively cite my twins repeatedly pooing on her sofa – that did NOT happen – as the main cause of her problems. But aren’t they so cute when they do it, she coos).
Me, after being hastled by a crowd of religious (it’s a non-descript generic religion of no name, it seems) nuts who then follow me down the street screaming in my face: They’re (the Irish Government, seriously, don’t ask) already laughing at us! It isn’t because of our religion, it’s because they’re wankers! (A passerby who looks remarkably like Dracula snorts with laughter.)
Right after this, a weirdo man comes running straight over to me, all stalkerish and intense, and tries to square up to me. Little old ladies crowd around me as if to protect (the weak?) me. Then a red-haired man runs up and screams, get away from her, you vampire! Um, okay. Even my dream religious nuts get weirded out and back away slowly from the red-headed drama queen (yet not from the possible vampire).
I attended an anti-Fianna Fail (Oh, I forgot a fada? Really? Silly me.) rally which turned out to be organised by the same religious freaks who were now trying to organise a sit in (does this remind anyone of True Blood?) and guilt tripped me and my mother into attending. Then a puking girl guilt tripped us into opening doors for her and letting her follow us home. (We escaped, three cheers!) At this rally, we were given name tags so of course I wrote my name as the word, downloads. I was then referred to as Downloads for the rest of the meeting. (Maybe a deed poll is in order?)
I also watched a lot of television in my dream. I watched a “funny” reality show where Brian Dowling was mocked and wore four shirts at the same time to hide his shame. Yeah. I watched a Disney film about a Dora lookalike who lived under the sea and branded it the best Disney film of our time.
I also watched a video of earth, from start to finish. (It was a true story.) It begins with a small, white, flaming ball type object flying through space which then grows into what looks a little more like earth and ends with a smug looking man being claimed Universal Ruler of our Country. (Rocking title that makes lots of sense.) So creationists and big bang theorists, fight no longer. It actually all began with a tiny white pebble and will end with a Universal Ruler.
Then I became a man. A very stressed out man. Who sneaks out of work to buy the latest game and is followed by his wife who he then lies to and pretends he left work to organise the best dinner surprise ever. She’s all, squee, the best husband eva! So he (I) goes on a quest and ends up walking down the street with a plate of hot dinner (there’s chicken and broccoli and other some such stuff) and is constantly followed by passersby who tell him (in awe) he’s holding the most delicious dinner ever.
Also, (in between the religious freaks bit and while we were trying to dodge the annoying puking girl) randomers kept coming up to me to say hello, saying they recognised me from my tattoos. Say what? I look down and on my hand are some rings. Underneath the rings (how clever) are the rings again, except inked onto my fingers. Hard core.
*Laughs* Some little tidbits (it was seriously long) in the hopes I’ll stop lying in bed thinking about them and actually go back to sleep. I woke up to hear my shithead cat trying to open my son’s bedroom door (noisily) and got so annoyed at his arseholiness that I became too wide awake. Right, sleeptime. Night.